Have you ever felt stuck in the middle of workplace conflict? I don’t mean the one stirring the pot – that’s a topic for another day. I’m talking about being in a position where two people, in conflict, are “confiding” in you. Giving you their side of the story and justifying their positions and behaviors,…
“You know it was a good mediation if everyone leaves unhappy and you ended up settling somewhere in the middle.” I’ve heard that sentiment often. In fact, I know colleagues who use it as part of their opening remarks during mediation. Sound good to you? I hope not. I completely disagree with that sentiment. As…
Have you ever experienced that nagging feeling, when you know something is wrong, but you don’t know what or why? I usually feel it in my chest first, then in my stomach. Some call it intuition. It might be easy to figure out, when something specific happened and you know it isn’t resolved – at…
OK, so it wasn’t really a bar. It was a nice meeting room, but it felt a lot like a bar-room-brawl. There was finger pointing, turf battling, name calling, accusation throwing, “I dare you to cross this line” taunting, yelling, and even tears. It was two executives and a workplace mediator, spending a day together…
Resistance has the power to derail the best of plans, but acknowledging it with empathy and compassion might just engage the leverage you need to achieve your goals. Like most things in life, resistance has a spectrum. On one end, it shows up as avoidance or maybe a little passive aggressive. One the opposite end,…
Twenty years ago as a new manager in the insurance industry, I remember being told by a corporate leadership trainer “the key to being a successful manager is Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!” I also remember looking skeptically into the eyes of that trainer and thinking “Really? You are getting paid to tell me I need to…
Angry arguments benefit no one. In fact, they are a great big waste of time. I’m sure you agree quick conflict resolution and productive discussions win over drawn-out battles any day. Obviously it takes time to participate in an angry argument, but also consider the time you waste re-hashing it, justifying it, and “strategizing” your next move in…
“Why is he/she fighting me on this?”…“How come every time he/she opens his/her mouth, I get aggravated?”…”I’m right darn it! Why can’t he/she understand that?!”… I’ve heard variations of these questions posed many times over the years. Heck, I’ve been known to ask them myself. The answers to these, and every other conflict-related question, are…
Love, Lies and Mudslinging: Welcome to Mediation! Mediation can be a stressful and arduous process. Emotions often run high as positions are expressed and interests are explored. Sometimes participants are even surprised by the twists and turns the process takes, as motivating factors and priorities are brought to light. Not long ago I mediated a…
Every now and then, a day comes along when it feels like “Murphy’s Law” is working overtime. I had to navigate through one of those days recently. It went like this: I had a Monday morning mediation in Naples, with six participants that were all traveling from out of town to a neutral site. I…
How to recognize the opportunities hidden within conflict Conflict happens. Did you ever hear the one about the elephant and the three blind men? Three blind men went to the circus and came upon an elephant. There were no elephants where they came from, and they were thrilled to encounter such a great beast. The…