What if that boss you could never please was trying to accelerate your leadership growth?
Maybe that question triggered an eyeroll or a flashback to a performance review you’d rather erase. Stay with me on this idea for a minute though, and consider the possibilities…
What if the leader who challenged your work, questioned your decisions, or pushed you harder than anyone else was not trying to make your life difficult? What if they pushed so hard because they believed you had more capacity than you were demonstrating?
What if the frustration you felt was growth in disguise?
I know, some of you will stop reading now… Those who continue might have a revelation that shifts how you feel about your current situation and /or replaces those recurring negative memories and dialogues with – wait for it – appreciation. 🤯
For the next couple of minutes, I am inviting you to think about THAT boss and consider the possibility of a reframe. This may mean investigating your own assumptions and recognizing what you really took away (or WILL take away) from what you have labelled a terrible experience.
You’re still here, great! Let’s explore.
How Leadership Growth Happens
First, think back on the leaders who shaped you in significant ways. How did it feel when you were trying to “get it right” for them? What are things you do differently – better – because of them?
One stands out for me. At the time, I found her to be so unreasonable I joined in a campaign to have her moved to a different position.
Years later, I examined the impact her frustrating style had on me. When I dropped my story about how unreasonable she was, I realized she taught me to pay attention to the details. I learned to make sure my work was complete, edited, and accurate, before I submitted it for authority to proceed.
That lesson went unobserved for too long, but now I know she helped me do better as the stakes in my work increased.
What felt (feels) unreasonable and creates stress for you?
Did that leader:
- Ask you to keep going when you thought you were finished?
- Want more than you felt was necessary?
- Push your thinking beyond your initial responses?
- Expect a standard that seemed too high?
At the time, it felt unreasonably demanding and even unfair. Yet looking back, what did you learn from that frustrating time? If you are in it now, what ARE you learning?
Even unreasonable expectations increase your accuracy, improve your communication, and sharpen your thinking as you learn to navigate them.
Leadership growth rarely comes from comfortable situations. Like a muscle, it requires friction to strengthen and grow.
Assumptions Shape Your Experience
It is human nature to react emotionally when we get pushed. We jump to assumptions like:
- He doesn’t like me.
- She doesn’t trust me / doesn’t think I’m competent.
- He wants me to look bad.
- She’s making this harder than it needs to be. Ugh!
Assumptions are powerful. They can create resistance and stress, or open the door to insight.
Consider these two interpretations:
- “He’s asking these questions because he doesn’t trust me.”
- “He’s asking these questions to help me think more strategically.”
Either could be true, but one accelerates your leadership growth. The other keeps you stuck.
In a study compiled by Stanford of more than 400 employees, psychologists found that individuals who adopted a “stress-is-enhancing” mindset were far more likely to have healthier physiological responses under pressure, compared to those with a “stress-is-debilitating” mindset.
Can We open our perspectives and reduce our stress by simply asking: “What else could be true here?”
💯Investigating and reframing our assumptions helps transform negative emotional reactions into productive, potentially motivating responses. Making this shift reduces stress, even when the situation persists.
Whether you examine assumptions in hindsight or real time, I bet it will shift your story about “that leader” moving forward. That shift has the power to reduce your stress around him or her permanently.
The Wrap
Candidly, that challenging leader may be intentionally trying to grow you, or she could be incompetent. Either way, you have opportunities to learn things like: “what not to do” when you reach that level, and how to stay composed under pressure. Or, like me, how to pay attention to the details.
So, what if that boss you could never please was not trying to make your life harder? Perhaps she was pushing you into a higher level of performance, perspective, and leadership readiness.
This I know: regardless of the methods or reasons, and whether you chose to see it or not, you were (are) learning. And, your leadership growth is your responsibility.
Leaders who navigate tough bosses most successfully, and with the least stress, are the ones willing to investigate their own assumptions, extract the insights, and apply the lessons learned.
Nope, leadership growth does not always come gently. But if we look, it is always available.
If you’d like support accelerating your own leadership growth, or accererating the growth of your team, reach out today.
