Are your strong convictions demonstrating leadership maturity or hot-headed opinions?
As a member of a leadership team, things won’t always go your way. While those moments can be frustrating and even perplexing, they are also opportunities to demonstrate your maturity as a leader. Recognizing when to back down, stay calm, and continue delivering with excellence may be the wisest decision you can make, in the face of disappointment.
I Learned the Hard Way but You Don’t Have To
I have a knack for deconstructing complexities, seeing through confusion, and structuring solutions quickly. It’s like puzzle solving, which I enjoy!
This trait has served me well but, as a young leader, it also made me bolder than I had earned the right to be.
Back then, I thought if I could see the crux of an issue and find the answer quickly, others should be right there with me. If they weren’t, I kept pushing.
I would argue my points and try to logic (whoever) into agreeing with me.
Things felt personal to me then. “Why won’t they agree I’m right?!?” plagued me.
Looking back, it’s obvious I hadn’t developed enough leadership maturity or discernment to recognize when to stop, accept, and move on.
After the second (ok, maybe third) time I ended up on the wrong side of a senior leader, the lesson landed: leadership is more than logic and insight. It requires emotional intelligence too. For me, I needed to learn when to keep pressing and when to let go, while staying calm and curious.
Enter Emotional Intelligence.
When things went sideways it felt terrible, and it did me no favors in the “promotable” line-up. Fortunately, I funneled my passion and persistence into getting busy learning how to handle frustration and disappointment more effectively.
Increasing my emotional intelligence was my key to developing leadership maturity and discernment. Self-awareness and self-management were needed to stay cool when things didn’t go my way, while other-awareness and relationship management was needed to help recognize when I had taken an issue far enough.
As my emotional intelligence grew, I practiced asking myself, “what else could be true?”
I started seeing, although I may be correct in my viewpoint, other things could be in-play that were impacting decisions AND there could be more than one “right” answer. Considering (real time) “there may be information I’m not privy to” helped me learn to manage my emotions through what formerly felt like being discarded.
Why Things Don’t Always Go Your Way
On every leadership team, decisions are made through multiple lenses.
For example:
- Timing
- Current level of risk tolerance
- Competing priorities
- Resource limitations
- Other information you don’t have access to yet
As a leader, sometimes even your BEST ideas get set aside.
Developing leadership maturity and discernment helps us understand “no” doesn’t automatically translate to an indictment on our competence. With leadership maturity and discernment (a/k/a Emotional Intelligence), we can navigate those moments without losing influence, credibility, or momentum.
Leadership Maturity For The Win
Not long ago, I coached a young Director. She reminded me a lot of “young Karen.” (That’s me!) She was smart, analyzed complexities quickly, and easily worked out cause and effect in her head.
She was also incredibly frustrated, confused, and often angry, as senior leaders weren’t seeing her value or taking her advice.
During coaching, we talked about how her mind works compared to many others, and how sometimes she just needed to give others a minute to catch up. It might be days, weeks, or never, but regardless, developing her own coping strategies would be important to her career.
It was time to start demonstrating her maturity and ability to discern.
In other words, read the room and respond accordingly.
During our time together, this Director developed a new offering and sales approach that was strategic, customer-centered, and had the potential for significant positive impact on revenue streams.
She put her pitch together and presented it to Sr. leadership.
I remember how excited she was going into that meeting! She knew the potential impact of her ideas, and she was confident they would see it too.
But they didn’t.
Unfortunately, her ideas were shut down quickly and firmly.
When we met after, the wounds were real: she was angry and confused. The swift dismissal felt personal… They HAD to see the merits of what she presented, didn’t they?
After cooling off, my client made a pivotal decision.
She would accept their decision with grace, stay engaged, and keep contributing her best. She focused on “who she was being” as a leader, instead of trying to push a decision that wasn’t hers to make.
Many months later, my client met 1-1with the same senior leader who led the previous “shut down”. (She, very quietly, still didn’t trust him.)
This meeting was different though.
He opened it with “You were right. We couldn’t see it then, but we see it now. We’re moving forward with your ideas.”
Leadership maturity for the win!
My client felt pure joy and completely validated. She appreciated the acknowledgment, of course, but the win wasn’t just the acknowledgement she was right.
Her win was in seeing the impact of who she chose to be, after the decision didn’t go her way.
She knew for sure, how she handled the disappointed kept her in good regards with senior leadership, and kept opportunities coming her way.
She demonstrated leadership maturity and discernment (emotional intelligence) in accepting a decision she disagreed with and moving ahead as a team player, with continued excellence.
In the months between those pivotal meetings, my client’s team won awards, and she has been given opportunities to build upon her reputation as a mature, trusted leader.
As her coach, it was fantastic to hear her look back and marvel at how much easier things have been since she learned to keep her peace, bring value to the leadership team without demands or pride, and accept some things will go her way and some won’t.
She knows she can rely on her leadership maturity and discernment to respond effectively – even when she disagrees – rather than react emotionally.
Tips To Strengthen Your Leadership Maturity
- Push pause.
Frustrations show up fast! They are automatic reactions and when they hit you cannot be your best self.
When you feel frustration bubbling up, take 3 deep breaths.
This allows your brain to reset and return your ability to reason, be logical, and problem solve. No need to make it obvious, just keep listening and breathe.
Once your emotions have taken a back seat, you can discern whether this is a time to press on or back down.
- Widen your lens.
Remember, when decisions don’t go your way there may be something you don’t know or haven’t considered. Information you’re not privy to yet could be trumping your ideas and opinions.
As you take those breaths, ask yourself “what else could be impacting this decision?” Your brain will automatically begin to broaden your perspective and help keep you calm and clear.
- Decide who you want to be known as – beyond this one decision.
This is one decision of many to come, that may or may not go your way.
Think about your long game: what response in “this” moment will demonstrate your maturity as a leader and your commitment to the team?
The Wrap
As leaders, when things don’t go our way, how we respond contributes heavily to our influence, reputation, and the trust others place in us as team members. Demonstrating leadership maturity and discernment won’t guarantee a win next time or another promotion. Failing to do so, however, will most likely limit your opportunities.
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If you and/or your leadership team would benefit from strengthening your ability to lead with maturity and discernment, and navigating high-stakes decisions with more confidence, reach out to PERSPECTIVES today This is our sweet spot!
