Wait, where’s my joy?

I’ve been feeling quite “Eh” (as my beautiful daughter puts it) for a few days now.  “Eh” as in not horrible, but not good. “Dull” is a good way to describe it, and it’s wearing on me. There’s no specific reason. In fact, if I tally the truly important things, everything is actually really good….

Gone in 90 seconds: How to move through negative emotions

Negative emotions are normal, we all experience them. There is certainly nothing wrong with them, unless of course we loose control in their grip, or they stick around too long.  When either of those happen, they become distracting, debilitating, and damaging. Think about the last time you experienced strong negative emotions. Regardless of the specific…

Resilience: The difference between can and cannot?

I’m on vacation this week at my happy place.  The view from our screened porch (my favorite “in-doors” spot) includes bright green sea grape trees loaded with fruit, and a white sandy beach leading to the Gulf of Mexico.  In the midst of all the relaxation and beauty, I have found myself noticing impressive resilience,…

Emotional Intelligence: The X-Factor in Your Success

Way back in the 1980’s, after reading an article published by John Mayer and Peter Salovey, Dr. Daniel Goleman became fascinated with Emotional Intelligence (EQ).  In his 1995 best seller Emotional Intelligence, Dr. Goleman turned the widely held view that IQ is the most important factor in attaining success upside down. More than thirty years…

Fact or fiction? How our assumptions can derail us

Have you ever made an assumption about something or someone, only to find out later you were completely wrong? Oh boy, I have. In fact, just yesterday I made a few ugly assumptions about a young lady I have never even laid eyes on. When I found out how wrong I was, I felt terrible….

Internal Struggles: A method for making good decisions

Internal struggles are tough because of the push and pull between intellectual, emotional, moral, and ethical considerations.  Inside those are financial, relational, and even physical elements. They aren’t easy, that’s way we call them “struggles”, but dealing with them effectively, and sooner than later, usually saves us from unnecessary drama and negative consequences. I’m suffering with an…

Thoughts, Words, and Actions: Fear or Love?

Today I’ve been thinking about the human condition. Specifically, how we relate to each other interpersonally, and the consequences of our thoughts, words, and actions. In the last week, several situations have been shared with me (personal and professional) wherein manipulative, narcissistic, mean-spirited behaviors were described. In each case, the costs – time, financial, and…

My three great bosses and what they have in common

I bet you can list the things you like best – and least – about each of your bosses.  Bosses are powerful influences for better or worse, after all. I spent some time during a recent flight contemplating how many direct supervisors I had during my nineteen years in the insurance industry. Then I thought…

Meet your amygdala: Your #1 emotional hijacker

Ever felt a strong urge to fight or flee?  You know what I’m talking about. Someone does or says something that triggers you. Your heart rate speeds up and your breath gets shallow.  I feel it through a tightening across my chest. You may feel it somewhere else, but you feel it.  It is how…

Got problems? Try out a new perspective.

What if your problems were really opportunities for growth? What if, rather than being damaging sources of angst, frustration, disconnection, and fear, your “problems” were actually opportunities to expand your capacity for awesome things like wisdom, creativity, patience, and connecting? The truth is, with a new perspective all of our problems can transform into meaningful…

LEADERSHIP? Authenticity is a must.

The other day I was talking with a leader I admire about the importance of authenticity in leadership.  We were discussing a particular issue within her organization and she said “I feel like I never hear anything authentic from him. There isn’t much I can do (for him) if he doesn’t get real.” Simultaneously, I…